The writer of this story prefers to remain anonymous. All of the situations below have happened, in one way or another, to a Yalie.
February 16, 2010 | 4 Comments
Graphic by Reuxben
Catching Yale guys is tricky business. They’re elusive. They’re wild. And they don’t like being tamed. They can be arrogant, confident, but at the same time they can be the biggest cowards in the world. They protect their precious ego, nurtured by their hometown reputations, like a tigress would protect her cub. And we must ask ourselves, what exactly do we do so wrong that drives eligible single Yale boys away from us?
Pretend for a minute that we were all Kate Hudson. And that we worked for Composure, a Cosmopolitan-like women’s magazine. And we wanted to find a guy and lose him in 10 days.
I asked some eligible Yale guys and they said these are the big things girls do to lose a Yale guy:
Score higher than him on an orgo exam.
OK, so this one about “be smarter” was a joke. But let’s face it, a lot of guys secretly like being the smarter one of the couple. One of my guy friends once said bluntly that if he mentioned he was from Yale at home, girls would flock to him. Then why bother with all the effort of pursuing a Yale girl who isn’t impressed by the one fact that you go to Yale?
Gchat him every time he gets on gchat.
Show any signs of having stalked him on Facebook.
Chances are, if you friend a cute guy two seconds after meeting him, he knows you’re interested. And chances are, the next time you talk to him, and you mention how cute his high school prom pictures were, how you’re both in the same Facebook groups and how adorable his brother’s-fiance’s-uncle’s-grandma’s dog is, he’s going to run. (See this diagram for details).
Encourage him to take a class with a hot professor or TA.
OK, so I didn't talk to anyone who had this happen, but just look at Sam Tsui.
Work intensely at the same organization he does and find out you have “artistic differences.”
This also applies to being in the same seminar or section. Don’t , under any circumstances, have an argument with him across the table about the metaphysics of Proust.
Midterms.
Just mid-terms.
Suggest hanging out anywhere other than your bed, his bed, a random frat house bed, or Bass Café.
And when it comes to Bass, no planning in advance. You gotta just "run into each other."
Does he want to see a movie? Have dinner at Zinc? Or even just Yorkside?
Forget it; too much money, too much time, and that could lead to our next no-no…
Bring up the words “exclusive” or “commitment.”
Oh, the dreaded words of death to each blossoming relationship at Yale. One week, you’re hooking up and progressing emotionally. Then, the girl brings up the DTR (define the relationship) talk, and the guy bolts.
Girls, watch out. He’ll be smooth and sweet about it, using phrases like:
“I’m just too busy to be in a relationship.” And then he’ll list his numerous classes and activities at Yale (as if we don’t do any of that too).
Or “If I met you in a few years, I wouldn’t hesitate be in a relationship with you. I’m just not at that time in my life.” Gee…I’m sorry I’m currently at the prime of my life.
Or the best one: “You’re so sexy, gorgeous and awesome. I’m so sad that I have to let you go.” If I am so sexy, gorgeous and awesome, why are you letting me go?
But the end result is the same: you’re left with nothing at your hands while that boy has gotten a week’s work of hooking up from you.
Suggest that he forgo his homework to cuddle.
Refuse to have sex with him at all.
Girls who don’t want to seem too easy are often trapped in a vicious cycle: We want to save having sex with someone when we are in a committed relationship. Guys don’t want to have a committed relationship unless they are having sex. It’s a roadblock and nothing ends up happening.
Have sex with him, and then find out he’s gay.
This happens. Seriously. Beware of introducing him to your cute, single male friends (gay or straight).
Make poo- or pee-related jokes.
Apparently one of my friends has had this happen to him on a date.
Give him mono and tell him.
Or give him mono and don’t tell him…let him find out on his own. This could be accomplished by another no-no…
One (hyphenated) word: Pre-med.
In conclusion, if you want a relationship, just commit to memory this easy, catchy mnemonic:
Tread lightly around all aspects of academics
Only talk to him if he started the conversation (text, gchat, or otherwise)
Wedding-planning scrapbooks are not for sharing
Never, ever, ever suggest a sober hook-up first (or second, or third...)
Ibiza is out of the question
Enter Toad's at your own risk
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are girls at yale this lame?
ReplyDeleteim not from yale, but the same stuff happens here at my school. it's sad how going out on dates rarely happen anymore...a lot of the relationships i know that exist in college started out with a prolonged span of hooking up, until finally the guy finds you worthy to perhaps take out to dinner and date u. but expecting a date soon after a hook up seems unlikely. However, on a different note, it might even be the girl's fault because she too gets turned off when a guy asks her out "too soon". After all, she hooked up with him probably on a drunken whim. Finding each other to hook up after getting drunk on multiple occasions is probably the safest route to showing the other person that you are interested because if you get turned down, hey w/e ur drunk anyways! and if you do hook up then that's awesome. if you're lucky then one day...after many nights of sporadic hookups, the guy may feel safe to ask that special girl on a date. sound familiar?
ReplyDeletewhoever wrote this needs to find some better guys to date. A guy who is secure with himself won't care if you do better, and if you are looking for a boyfriend, it certainly makes sense to date guys who are also on the same page.
ReplyDeleteAs for sex, there are certainly guys who will wait till you've committed to even bring it up.
There is nothing wrong with casual hookup buddies, but if you are only meeting with them in your beds, bass and frats, then they are unlikely to think it is going to turn into anything else. Dates happen at Yale, but you have to have some initiative to make that happen. Like asking them out yourself. Does this author think that girls shouldn't ask guys out then? Just wait around hoping mister hooup turns into a bf magically? Seesh.
these girls should be lucky they have the opportunity to scare guys off and get that week's worth of hooking up. i would say a large number of female yalies can't even get to that point
ReplyDeleteI would think the young women at Yale would have more self respect, and respect for others. The commentary was a sad flash back to a time when women did not attend Yale and have all the amazing opportunities you do.
ReplyDelete